1. From a letter sent to me by AmEx: “Dear Cardmember, We are pleased to notify Cardmembers that the $1,000,000.00 Prize in the Super Million Dollar XV Sweepstakes presented by American Express Publishing is still available and could be yours to win. The Prize Entry Number that decides the person who will win the $1,000,000.00 Prize has already been preselected. That person could be you, DAN HEATH.”
Sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. The vaguely ESL wording? (Super Million Dollar!) The Roman-numeraled sweepstakes? (Were there really 14 prior events? And were they also Super?) The repetition (”already…preselected”)? The helpful reminder of who, in fact, I am? (”you, DAN HEATH”) Oh, and there’s this: Is the credit card company that prides itself on its “elite” reputation really sending me *sweepstakes* mailers? (AmEx, did you run out of hair tonic and Charles Atlas literature?)
Let’s just leave it at this: You know how to make your cardholders feel classy, AmEx! Super Million Dollar Classy!
2. In the midst of praying for my sweepstakes victory, I get an email from AmEx warning me about a suspicious charge. (A $99 florist fee. Because, if there’s one surefire sign of identity theft, it’s a bouquet.) As we all know by now, “suspicious charges” mean that our credit cards will be shut off for our own protection. So I called AmEx from the road, knowing that I’d need the card for travel expenses. Gave them the usual: card number, security code, SSN. Asked them to clear my account so I could use the card. OK, more security questions: Birthdate, mother’s maiden name, address, phone #. Not bragging, but I did pretty well on the quiz.
Then the fun beings: “But you’re not calling from your home phone.” Nope, this is my cell. “Is there someone at your home number?” Nope, I’m on the road. “Will you be there later?” Days after I need my card, yes. “Is there anybody who could answer your home phone?” Um, I’m the person who you need to be talking to, and here I am! “Well, do you have a voice mail that has your name on it?” Er, no, not on my home phone. “Well, we can’t reactivate your account without confirming that.” [Much verbal abuse and erosion of karma.]
Let me speak to your manager. [Long hold.] “The manager is busy right now, can she call you back?” Sigh.
28 hours later, I received that call back. And that’s the story of how AmEx lost a customer. But guys, please make sure you keep me in the loop for SuperDeluxe Million Dollar Sweepstakes XVI!
(I know these customer-service stories are a dime a dozen — anybody got an “elite” AmEx story to top me? I’ve got a free book for the biggest doozy!)
Hi, Dan! This won’t top yours, but I’m glad to have a place to tell the story. Tried to use my AMEX at lunch the other day. Server brought it back - it was expired. Weird. Why hadn’t I received another card in the mail? As it turns out, because AMEX sent it to our old address. An address we left three and a half years ago. Interestingly, our bills come to the correct address.
A longie, but a goodie…I think:
American Express 1: A-mess
Just before I left on Christmas vacation last year, I received a little bill-stuffer from American Express touting its “Gateway Plus” program, their buyer-protection-plus plan…so to speak. One of the features, and I quote, is that the plan:
“…protects eligible retail purchases made with the Card automatically against accidental physical damage and most theft for 90 days from date of purchase.”
Simple enough. Or so I thought.
One of my holiday Amex splurges was a $325 Gucci hat, which I shared with my son Hayes who, to be honest, looked a whole lot better in it than I did. Which is why, when he wanted to borrow it for a night on the town, I was happy to lend it to him.
Well, four hours later, a somewhat upset Hayes came home and told me that said hat had been stolen at a bar. He had taken it off to fix his hair, and when he went to put it on again, it was gone.
“No problem!” I beamed with confidence. “We are covered by American Express’s ‘Gateway Plus’! We’ll have a new one before we know it.”
Or so I thought.
The process to recover the three hundred bucks or so proved more difficult than applying for political asylum refugee status. Here’s what I had to provide:
1.
A copy of the police report of the stolen Item
2.
The original receipt
3.
The American Express statement with the purchase shown on it
4.
A written statement from me explaining exactly what happened
5.
A statement from my homeowners’ insurance indicating the deductible (if it is higher than the purchase price of item) OR a copy of the claim to my homeowners’ insurance if the deductible is lower than the $341.85…the price plus tax. (Either way, they needed proof of insurance.)
6.
The purchase protection claim had to be submitted with all of the above within 30 days of the incident
7.
A blood sample, DNA test and title to my first-born grandchild
Okay, so I’m kidding about #7…but barely.
So here’s the point. I’ve been an Amex “member” for close to a quarter-century. Last year on my Amex card, between personal and business use, I charged–and paid!!!–the equivalent of the GNP of a small nation (unfortunately, here I am NOT kidding).
I understand there may be abuses of the Gateway Plus system, but a quick check would show the Amex folks that I had never used this in the past (and if I were trying to screw them, it would be for more than $325…).
Considering the many tens-of-thousands they have made off me throughout the years, and the fact they could check my insane purchase patterns instantly, you’d figure they could say: “Hey, sorry about the loss. We appreciate your business throughout the years. Here’s a new hat.”
Instead, they get this blog post.
And I replace the damn hat.
But charge it to my Visa card.
I think maybe Andy has locked this one up. I don’t know how you beat that story. I love the “proof of homeowner’s insurance deductible” component — that is admirably absurd.
The most stylish story about American Express’s absurdity is one told by fiction writer Wilton Barnhardt, which appears in the acknowledgments to his 1993 book, *Gospel.* Bear in mind that he’d been doing a lot of foreign travel to research the book: “…[A]nd to American Express, who canceled my card when I was in the friggin’ Sudan after a review showed I had “insufficient salary” to deserve renewal, I execrate you: Anathema! Anathema! Anathema!
Benjamin, that is genius. I just started laughing out loud in a coffee shop, and now the other patrons are looking at me with unease. I must track down Gospel…
Isn’t that wonderful? If you do find Gospel, the acknowledgements are at the back; personally, I recommend Barnhardt’s first book, For Emma, Who Saved My Life.
Okay, here is my last AMEX story, the proverbial straw that led to cancellation of three different cards and one more soon to follow.
At Best Buy purchasing ink for my PC printer, my American Express Delta card which I have had since they first came out is denied. Gave them a VISA card and figured I would call when I got home and straighten things out. HA!
Upon calling, I find the account is frozen/blocked, as is all my other American Express card accounts. Asking why they are blocked, neither the agent or her supervisor can tell me. After a couple of transfers (re-telling the whole story each time - one would think the details could be passed via a comment in my account record or somesuch appraoch) — I finally get someone who can tell me the account was frozen by the “collections” department. This department is closed for the weekend and I have to call back on Monday to get the whole story.
On Monday, I find that they say they have discovered a charge from about 25 years ago for about $250 that I owe on a card I do not posses (and do not remember possessing). Also, all my accounts will be blocked until I pay the charge. I ask when and what the charge was for (i.e., what was purchased when). They cannot tell me! I ask why they did not call, write or e-mail before blocking the cards to inform me of this alleged deliquency. They cannot tell me!
I tell them there is no way I am going to pay for a charge they can neither describe or date and hang up.
The next day I called and cancelled three of the four AMEX cards I have. The last, a green card I have had since 1975 and used mainly for business and personal travel expenses, I decide to keep for sentimental reasons.
A week or so later, I got a letter from a special customer service group asking me to call. After explaining why I had cancelled the cards and that I have yet to receive a valid explanation for their actions, the agent agrees that I was not treated very well.
The next day I use my Green card only to find out it is blocked due to lack of activity. I call back the “special” agent who works with me to get the card unfrozen. Tehn, for a subsequent purchase, I find out the freeze was released for only the one transaction and the card still cannot be used.
I called Citibank and got an AAdvantage personal and business card within two days. The green card just came up for renewal and I have decided screw the sentimentality about the 28 years, the card and AMEX is toast in my financial life.
On a more pleasant note, LOVE THE BOOK. It sits on my desk as all times and every time I write or re-write a marketing piece, the principles are applied.
www.customyourservice.com
I am writing a customer service blog…
Amex: While traveling in Costa Rica, I had been using my Amex for several days when it ultimately came back at a local restaurant as ‘denied’. I used a different card, paid the check, and called Amex when I got back to the hotel. After the requisite round of security challenges I was able to talk to an agent who unblocked the account which had been frozen due to ‘unusual account activity’. This was the multiple charges outside the country, which by the way, I had called and told them I’d be traveling toCR and for what period of time which I was told would be noted on the account. The following day I went to use the card again and it was denied. I tossed it in a bag and forgot about it, using my Visa without incident the remainder of the trip. Upon receiving my Amex bill I noted a Service Charge of some $80 which I knew nothing about. I called the same ‘toll free’ number which I had used while in CR and spoke to another agent. I was told that the charge was for using that same ‘toll free’ number from outside the country. I explained that if they had not blocked my card after I told them where and when I would be traveling I would not have made that call. After seeking a manager and again explaining the situation I had the charge removed. I promptly paid the bill, cancelled the card, and have been ‘clean’ of Amex ever since despite the mounds of offers they continue to send me in the mail even after telling them twice now to remove me from their lists. That is how not to win customers and influence people to use your services…
I have two Amex cards-one for work and a personal card. When I got married I called to change my name on my two cards. They told me they would be happy to change it. I received my new cards: same last name. I call again and explain what happened so again they say ‘OK we have it in the system for sure…we’ll send the new ones’. Sure enough the new ones: same last name. It took 4 phone calls, 3 new cards, 2 managers and a threat to just cancel all my accounts before they finally figured out that I didn’t need a replacement card b/c I lost it, but rather because of a new account name.
I get the AMEX card in November of 2007. I have no troubles with it. Use it as much as I can for Christmas and so forth. Our first big purchase is in January. It is right at $1000 for a new tv. Everything is great, no problems. Continue to use the card regularly. In July we need to get a new computer. Go to the store, pick out a PC and the accessories push all of the new stuff up to the counter, wait in line, and bam! Declined at check out. Knowing that I have always paid my bill on time and they have “NO PRESET SPENDING LIMITS,” I have the cashier call for approval. They decline. I talk to the representative and ask, why are you declining the charge? In a rather condescending voice I get because ma’am, the purchase you are trying to make is outside of your spending habits and therefore we are not able to process the payment for the items. WHAT??? Outside of my spending habits? I freaked out and apologized for not making $1300 purchases on a daily basis. Questioned whether someone using their American Express to purchase such a high dollar item in one transaction is really that far out of the realm of possibility. She continued to give me the song and dance and due to the fact that it was the only card I had with me, as I did depend on them, I had to dance to the beat of their drum. I ended up having to make a payment on my account that night, which by the way, I had just paid my bill the week before, or else they were not going to allow for the payment to go through. I am so fed up and over the stupidity. Not to mention the ridiculous outsourced customer service that has no idea what I am trying to really say to them and just keep apologizing. Needless to say, I still have my card because I have racked up thousands of reward points that I don’t want to lose. Its a catch 22!
A similar protocol is used by AT&T to protect against fraud. I was once called upon returning from an atypical trip over seas. How nice I thought as they confirmed the calls were indeed mine, then I realized the charges must be large or else they wouldn’t be calling. Once I found out they were large I was able to negotiate them down since their representatives had not presented the best plan when I called to arrange the overseas calling prior to the trip. So it all worked out, but not without some effort.
Consider what might happen if similar analystics are used for travel. Electronic identity management and biometric authentication will end creating very big problems. The Other Side of Midnight stories may become more common due to mistaken or modified identities.
Fundamentally this is similar to the assault on the 2nd amendment. You don’t really need a gun because you don’t have a history of using one. It is really for people who use them all of the time. Those people are better enabled to protect you. Besides you really aren’t qualified to make the decision on when to use it for yourself. We’ll make the decision for you. Much like your problem with AMEX it begs the question about when you really need it can you readily get to it and use it.